Bad Days

Even PAHM moms have grouchy times, or at least I do. One particularly long-lasting grouchy spell I thought would never end. And while I tried to be mindful of my responses and presence, I was still anything but fun. Honestly, it took all my energies to say "yes" and take deep breaths. Afterall, who wants to make big messes and dance around in circles when they don't feel good? I didn't fake it; kids "can smell a lie like a fart in a car," and I didn't want to complicate the already full emotional static in the air. I told Addi I wasn't feeling well, I engaged when I could, and I set up invitations: playdough, cooking, painting and finally a watercolor invitation that became a foot-mixing project - LOL




Yes, you can stand in the bowl


I set them up to both engage my emotionally responsive daughter and distract her from my mood. While she happily engaged in the invitations, she also checked in with a smile or an exclamation "look at this one, mama!" or a simple hug. Surely this beautifully intelligent child could pull me out of my mood? I wanted desperately for it to happen, but the more I resisted my mood the further I seemed to fall into my dark hole. Then while packing some boxes I came across a book I read this summer, "Last Child in the Woods" by Richard Louv. It was just the reminder I needed of the healing powers in nature. So I stopped setting up play invitations and took Addi to the woods...

Yes, you can hike in a sundress

 She took her jacket off and RAN, stepping over rocks and roots and falling trees and calling out, "c'mom!" I ran along, a smile finding its way to my lips. She found her way to the stream, took her shoes and socks off, and waded into the water. She found sticks to throw and rocks to upturn as she looked for salamanders and crawdads.

Yes, you can take wade in the creek.

She stopped to sit on a log and look at the sunlight streaming through the trees saying, "let's sit and rest." She watched her furry sister TJ and asked, "what's she looking for?" I asked what she thought, then watched her think, both of us with smiles. She suggested TJ was just enjoying being in the woods and creek, "just like us!" she exclaimed.

Yes TJ, you can explore without your leash

While this wasn't a complete cure for whatever was ailing me at the time, I did find some genuine laughter as I raced through the woods singing songs with my fully engaged daughter. That evening I reflected on my somewhat lightened mood and knew the clouds were lifting. The combination of nature and my daughter helped me to once again find laughter and connection. I hope to remember this sooner next time.

I don't know what the overall message is here. Maybe there are several - don't beat yourself up for having negative emotions? Give yourself compassion? Remember the power of nature to recharge and reconnect? All parents have bad days? Maybe all of them. But I thought I'd share and hope you find something for yourself. -ab